Just finished editing THE TOMB / RAKOSHI for the Borderlands edition. Here’s an example of how I’ve cleaned up the prose. Some of the changes are simply fixing scan errors, but most are the removal of redundancies and passive voice.
BEFORE:
Made it!
A wonderful feeling-he and Vicky were alive and off the freighter. And only moments ago he had been ready to give up hope. But they weren't safe yet. They had to be far from the ship, preferably on shore, when those bombs went off.
The oars were still in their locks. lack grabbed them and began to row, watching the freighter recede into the dark. Manhattan was behind him, drawing nearer with every stroke. Gia and Abe would not be visible for a while yet. Vicky crouched in the stem of the raft, her head swiveling between the freighter and land. It was going to be so good to reunite her with Gia.
Jack rowed harder. The effort caused him pain, but sur-prisingly little. He should have been in agony from the deep wound behind his left shoulder, from the innumerable lac-erations all over his body, and from the avulsions where the skin had simply been tom away by the teeth of the savage little rakoshi. He felt weak from fatigue and blood loss, but he should have lost more—he should have been in near shock from the blood he had lost. The necklace truly seemed to have healing powers.
But could it really keep you young? And let you grow old if it were removed? That could be why Kolabati had refused to lend it to him when they were trapped in the pilot's cabin earlier tonight. Was it possible that Kolabati was slowly turning into an old hag back in his apartment right now? He remembered how Ron Daniels, the mugger, had sworn he hadn't rolled an old lady the night before. Perhaps that explained much of Kolabati's passion for him: It wasn't her grandmother's necklace he had returned-it was her own.
They were halfway to shore. He took a hand off an oar to reach up and touch the necklace. It might not be a bad thing to keep around. You never knew when you might-—