Scene 1
EXT SHOT
Golden Girls house with palm trees swaying in the background. The familiar intro music wells as the director and screen writer credits overlay the image.
INT SHOT
Tony sits on the sofa dressed in a flowing Dorothy Zbornak style house robe complete with 80’s style shoulder pads doing a crossword puzzle. The front door opens and Cobalt and Steve walk in looking shaken.
Steve:
I’ll find the number to the insurance company and then call the doctor to make appointments for us.
Tony:
(without looking up from his crossword puzzle) Did you eat from the Shoney’s buffet again?
Cobalt:
Worse, we got into a car accident.
Tony:
(lowers paper) Oh my God…are you okay?
Cobalt:
We’re fine, a little shaken, but your car has seen better days.
Tony:
MY car?!?!
Cobalt:
The boys had my car blocked in. I didn’t think you would mind.
Tony:
(Gets up and walks over to the door and leans out) My back end is completely ruined!
Fenny:
(off screen outside) Maybe if you gave it a weeks rest it will pop back into shape!
Tony:
(Backs into the house clutching his robe at the collar. Slams the door) cobalt…how did you manage to wreck the back end of my car? It was facing the street.
Cobalt:
I don’t know Tony…I did everything I typically do. I got in, buckled up, checked the mirrors, started the car and let it idle before putting it into “R” for ride.
Tony:
Ah…how silly of me to think you didn’t know what you were doing.
Steve:
(Entering the family room from the kitchen) Okay…I called your doctor and she can see us both at noon today. She said she going to be working out at the gym all day. She has cardio at eleven and buttocks at one…she said she could squeeze us between them at noon.
Tony:
Why aren’t you yelling anymore?
Steve:
When Cobalt backed into the tree I got quite the jarring and since then I have been able to hear. I don’t know how much more blunt force trauma my head can take before I give up the ghost.
Tony:
Well, if Sig can take years of his head cracking headboards all across the 48 contiguous states then surely you can take another few knocks to the head. (Whacks Steve playfully on the head with the newspaper.)
Steve:
ACK! (Slumps to the floor)
Cobalt:
STEVE! (stoops beside the crumpled body of her cousin and checks his pulse) Way to go Tony…I’ll call the hospital.
Tony:
I’ll do it. (As he steps over Steve his foot kicks the unconscious man in the temple.)
“I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum.”
Certified 100% Serious