OK here goes - I feel a bit nervous having seen the quality of Dave's suggestion. I am sure Jack would find his way out of this - but here goes (be gentle!!!!!!!!!)

Dear Mr Tyleski

Except we both know that isn’t your real name, so I hope you won’t mind if I just call you Jack. I was sorry to hear of the death of your father, Jack, but I have to say that was a lovely send off you gave him down in Johnson and your choice of headstone was very tasteful. Incidentally Jack, nice family name, have you ever tried to trace it’s origins.

Anyway, Jack, to business. It appears I have been doing you a favor for some time, and now it is time you repaid the compliment.

I have a little problem with a wannabe politician who is spreading fear and hatred of the organized crime fraternity. He is even going so far as to suggest vigilantes should take up arms and take direct action. Now all of this is very bad for business, and I am therefore seeking a terminal solution to the activities of Mr Al Roams.

I understand you respect your privacy Jack, I am therefore sure you would not want certain government agencies to learn of our little agreement, or of your past. I could of course threaten Gia or the delightful Vicky, but that would be so crass.

I have placed a copy of my “Jack” file in a safe place, if anything should happen to me or if Mr Roams is not terminated by 1.00pm on Thursday your file will be passed to the relevant authorities.

I understand there are quite a few people keen to “entertain” you on the inside.

Should your carry out my favor, I will consider us even. But do please try to avoid any further parking tickets.

Yours sincerely

Mr V Donato

Ps That is a very nice car you drive Jack.

That's awesome! Very sticky scenario indeed! "Al Roams" and Donato in a tangle and Jack caught in the middle. Cool. Yeah, I'm sure Jack would find a way out of this one too, but again, I'd love to read the rest!

So, maybe the next time there's a contest (if anybody still thinks a contest is a good idea! :eek: ) only non-Americans should be eligible!

You Brit Daves rock!

NewYorkJoe: I never accused you and FPW of being dishonest--merely that the cloud that FPW warned about was formed when you were mentioned in his acknowledgement and then you won the contest.

Question: Are you still working in that Turkish Bath? I understand that it takes former copywriters longer than most to sweat it out of their system.

`

You suggested a close association (that doesn't exist) and then you suggested that I should be disqualified due to this close association. This implies favoritism on FPW's part. Your trying to backtrack now is like a cat trying to cover up its scat on a linoleum floor; it just doesn't work.

This "cloud" to which you refer is only in your perception. Perhaps it is a "brain cloud" like Tom Hanks had in "Joe and the Volcano," a film he would dearly like to forget.

My Turkish bath days are well behind me (no pun intended). After writing advertising copy, nearly any job would seem honest by comparison.

You chose not to reply to my question if you or any firm for which you worked had any clients in the tobacco industry. Shall we assume this oversight is deliberate?

Sorry, but I disagree.

I am not at all sorry that I disagree with you on just about every point of existance, nor do I give a hoot and a hoorah what you think about what I think. I suspect the same is true for you. So let's end this "shit discussion," to quote another board member writing about your posts.

I still think Dave's suggestion was fabulous and yours wasn't. But hey, it's not my money and not my contest.

The answer to your question, Joe, is NO! And my further recommendation is that you run as fast as you can back to the Turkish bath and take a much-needed dunk. But you had better stick your fingers in your ears so the water doesn't rush in, or you might never surface. And what a loss that would be.

And I told you in my last message how and why I reacted. You can read into it anything you want. Soap yourself real good!

Phew! Kind of pleased I didn't enter now! Not that any idea I could have come up with would have been in the same league as New York Joe's or the ones by The Two Daves.
For the record, I would say that complaining about a winning entry or entrant - no matter how that complaint is put - is going to sound like sour grapes. Of course, that doesn't mean it is sour grapes, just that it would invariably come across that way. Just my two cents.... well, pennies, I am in Sunny England, after all.
Just thought I'd leap into the thick of it!:p

The answer to your question, Joe, is NO! And my further recommendation is that you run as fast as you can back to the Turkish bath and take a much-needed dunk. But you had better stick your fingers in your ears so the water doesn't rush in, or you might never surface. And what a loss that would be.

And I told you in my last message how and why I reacted. You can read into it anything you want. Soap yourself real good!

You are a quick AND EXCELLENT judge of character! :p

I am not at all sorry that I disagree with you on just about every point of existance, nor do I give a hoot and a hoorah what you think about what I think. I suspect the same is true for you. So let's end this "shit discussion," to quote another board member writing about your posts.

I still think Dave's suggestion was fabulous and yours wasn't. But hey, it's not my money and not my contest.

Think you may have over reacted just a little. Keep the Midol handy!

I am in Sunny England, after all.

Sunny my @r$e! :p

I'm moving nearer you if it is still sunny at this time mate

Sunny my @r$e! :p

I'm moving nearer you if it is still sunny at this time mate

Well, there's as much of a chance of it being sunny at this time of night than there is during the day! And if I keep telling myself it's sunny then I might start believing it!

The answer to your question, Joe, is NO! And my further recommendation is that you run as fast as you can back to the Turkish bath and take a much-needed dunk. But you had better stick your fingers in your ears so the water doesn't rush in, or you might never surface. And what a loss that would be.

And I told you in my last message how and why I reacted. You can read into it anything you want. Soap yourself real good!

Well, your original post may not SOUND like sour grapes to you, but with just a little oil, you'd have salad dressing!

You'll have to develop a little thicker skin if you're going to post opinions here, sport. Also, if helps if you hit the "Quote" button before you reply. It allows others to view your comments in context to the post to which you are replying. Otherwise, your replies seem nonsensical.

Keep trying, you'll get it eventually.