[SIZE="3"]The STUMP REPAIRMAN JACK contest is over. After sifting through hundreds and hundreds of entries (I’m delighted to report that many of you are very sick puppies), the judges settled on New York Joe as the poser of the most diabolically difficult problem for Jack.
I wish he'd hid his identity so there'd be no question of playing favorites, but in the end no one could see how the hell Jack would get out of this one. So NYJoe wins the cool grand.
Here 'tis:[/SIZE]
To the Heir (aka Repairman Jack): By now, you have realized that the two females closest to your heart are missing. They are in my power, their fate now depends on you. The box to which this note is attached contains a harness, designed especially for you, to be worn under your clothes, next to your skin. You will strip, put on this harness, and dress again in your own clothes. Failure to do so will result in your females undergoing torture and degradation beyond your imagination! This harness incorporates some interesting features. It contains a GPS module so that your movements can be tracked. It also contains sensitive microphones that can detect the merest whisper. The wire and pickup on the collar are intended to be attached to your mastoid bone. This will allow you to hear my commands and to reply subvocally without being overheard. The Taser module has leads that run to several very sensitive areas of your body. Failure to follow my commands immediately will result in a mild, warning shock as a reminder. Further stubbornness on your part will result in increasing voltage. Did I mention your females will receive the same degree of shock? Also, you should know that the harness contains enough primer cord in its collar to take your head off if it is tampered with or if you try to remove it once it has been fastened. There is also a charge of C4 in the harness, enough to kill anyone within a dozen feet of you. It can be detonated only by two separate radio signals of different frequency transmitted within 5 seconds of each other. You are now my most obedient servant or you are dead and those you love will suffer for your disobedience. Obey me and wear this harness in good health! He Who Is Not To Be Named (for to name him is to call him!)
I wish he'd hid his identity so there'd be no question of playing favorites, but in the end no one could see how the hell Jack would get out of this one. So NYJoe wins the cool grand.
Here 'tis:[/SIZE]
To the Heir (aka Repairman Jack): By now, you have realized that the two females closest to your heart are missing. They are in my power, their fate now depends on you. The box to which this note is attached contains a harness, designed especially for you, to be worn under your clothes, next to your skin. You will strip, put on this harness, and dress again in your own clothes. Failure to do so will result in your females undergoing torture and degradation beyond your imagination! This harness incorporates some interesting features. It contains a GPS module so that your movements can be tracked. It also contains sensitive microphones that can detect the merest whisper. The wire and pickup on the collar are intended to be attached to your mastoid bone. This will allow you to hear my commands and to reply subvocally without being overheard. The Taser module has leads that run to several very sensitive areas of your body. Failure to follow my commands immediately will result in a mild, warning shock as a reminder. Further stubbornness on your part will result in increasing voltage. Did I mention your females will receive the same degree of shock? Also, you should know that the harness contains enough primer cord in its collar to take your head off if it is tampered with or if you try to remove it once it has been fastened. There is also a charge of C4 in the harness, enough to kill anyone within a dozen feet of you. It can be detonated only by two separate radio signals of different frequency transmitted within 5 seconds of each other. You are now my most obedient servant or you are dead and those you love will suffer for your disobedience. Obey me and wear this harness in good health! He Who Is Not To Be Named (for to name him is to call him!)
FPW
FAQ
"It means 'Ask the next question.' Ask the next question, and the one that follows that, and the one that follows that. It's the symbol of everything humanity has ever created." Theodore Sturgeon.
[SIZE="3"]In alphabetical order, these folks were in the running until the end:
William Berry
Eric Bonholtzer
Linda Esler
jennifer
Kent Songer[/SIZE]
William Berry
Eric Bonholtzer
Linda Esler
jennifer
Kent Songer[/SIZE]
FPW
FAQ
"It means 'Ask the next question.' Ask the next question, and the one that follows that, and the one that follows that. It's the symbol of everything humanity has ever created." Theodore Sturgeon.
Congratulations, New York Joe.
Thought revealing your identity was the kiss of death for this scenario. I was wrong 'bout that.
Once again, Congratulations.
Thought revealing your identity was the kiss of death for this scenario. I was wrong 'bout that.
Once again, Congratulations.
"Think for yourself and question authority" Leary
By the way, How are things in your town?
fpw Wrote:I wish he'd hid his identity so there'd be no question of playing favorites, but in the end no one could see how the hell Jack would get out of this one. So NYJoe wins the cool grand.
I don't think you'll be accused of playing favorites by choosing NYJoe; he's nobody's favorite.
Congratulations Joe for a truly prickly predicament.
Scott
Jesus died for your sins, get your money's worth. Chad Daniels
That's a fun read - congratulations, Joe.
I'd love to read more when they're available!
-MarcC
I'd love to read more when they're available!
-MarcC
fpw Wrote:In alphabetical order, these folks were in the running until the end:
William Berry
Eric Bonholtzer
Linda Esler
jennifer
Kent Songer
Will you be posting the entries from the runner-ups? I'm very curious to see how sick these other people are.
Scott Hajek
[i]"A beer right now would sound good, but I'd rather drink one than listen to it."[/i]
fpw Wrote:[SIZE="3"]The STUMP REPAIRMAN JACK contest is over. After sifting through hundreds and hundreds of entries (I’m delighted to report that many of you are very sick puppies), the judges settled on New York Joe as the poser of the most diabolically difficult problem for Jack.
I wish he'd hid his identity so there'd be no question of playing favorites, but in the end no one could see how the hell Jack would get out of this one. So NYJoe wins the cool grand.
Hmm, well now we know what Wal-Mart security people are really thinking about all day! :eek:
Congrats, Joe!
This post was last modified: 11-02-2006, 12:27 PM by webby.
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It's Thirteen O'Clock
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"I said, Hey Senorita - that's astute, I said, why don't we get together and call ourselves an institute?" --Paul Simon
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"In the final analysis, the last line of defense in support of freedom and the Constitution consists of the people themselves." -- Ron Paul
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
This is a surprise!!!!
I never figured on actually winning, I was just trying to be interesting!
I am humbly grateful!
This gives me some added impetus toward finishing some writing of my own. Maybe it would be not so bad?
Still, I am floored!:eek:
NewYorkjoe
I never figured on actually winning, I was just trying to be interesting!
I am humbly grateful!
This gives me some added impetus toward finishing some writing of my own. Maybe it would be not so bad?
Still, I am floored!:eek:
NewYorkjoe