25 Cinematic Cliches I Never Wanna See Again by Robin Bougie
25. That in period pieces, vintage cars are always freshly polished, painted, and clean. They never have scratches, dents or any signs of use.
24. Every time we’re introduced to a police precinct house, one or more colourfully dressed prostitutes are being brought in while bickering with their arresting officer.
23. Chinese food takeout in a movie always comes in those little white boxes, which I have never, in my life, seen chinese food arrive at my door in. I desperately want it to, but it never does.
22. If a bar or clubhouse has a pinball machine, it’s gonna get fucking trashed during a fight scene. (I’ve ALWAYS wanted my own pinball machine, so this one makes me wince)
21. That it’s only after the detective has been suspended (and obligatorily forced to place his badge and gun on the lieutenant’s desk) that he can properly crack the case.
20. That in war, only the enemy (usually the Viet Cong) were ever low-down enough to stoop to using booby traps.
19. People being chased by a car who run top speed down the middle of the street instead of simply ducking somewhere where a car can’t follow, which happens to be pretty much anywhere except the middle of the street.
18. Young gorgeous women constantly falling in love with men much, much older than they are. In other words: Fuck you Jack Nicholson and Clint Eastwood.
17. Chess players are always always brilliant, charming, upper class people, while card players are always sneaky, foul mouthed, and prone to cheating.
16. When an innocent cough is always a symptom of terminal illness.
15. Women that never have enough sense to keep running while being chased by an enemy unless a guy is pulling her along by her hand or wrist — despite the fact that this takes them far below the speed either one could go on their own.
14. That somehow singing in a moving vehicle always makes something terrible happen.
13. If someone dies with their eyes open, someone will close them by effortlessly moving their hand over the deceased face — and they will remain tightly shut.
12. If our protagonist goes to a sporting event, no matter who he is, his face will always end up on the fucking jumbotron.
11. Women that don’t sweat during sex.
10. That every helicopter shutting down emits the chirp-chirp-chirp sound, in spite of the fact that only the Bell 47G (the chopper on MASH) actually makes this noise.
9. If a hero is divorced (and most are), that he’ll have some contact with his ex-wife who will still have strong feelings for him even if she’s remarried.
8. All computer keyboards or control panels have thousands of volts just underneath their surface, and their malfunctions are indicated by a puff of smoke and a cartoonish shower of sparks.
7. That Native Americans invariably have mystical knowledge that can obtusely predict the future, or have a fundamental understanding of all things in nature .
6. That when a phone line is broken unexpectedly, someone will always frantically press the phone cradle button and yell “Hello? HELLO!?” with an emphasis on the second hello.
5. A splash of cold water in face will render the most inebriated person stone cold sober in a faction of a second. I’ve tried it. It doesn’t work.
4. When someone yells “You never backed away from everything in your life, now fight!!” while giving someone CPR or working to resuscitate a stopped heart.
3. Girls are always instantly attractive to every male if they take off their glasses and/or let down their hair, never mind that they were totally gorgeous actresses failing to physically portray a nerd in the first place.
2. Children or retards that are wise beyond their years/capabilities and that humble the adults around them.
aaaand: (Drumroll)
1. Dogs who always know who is evil, and bark at them.
25. That in period pieces, vintage cars are always freshly polished, painted, and clean. They never have scratches, dents or any signs of use.
24. Every time we’re introduced to a police precinct house, one or more colourfully dressed prostitutes are being brought in while bickering with their arresting officer.
23. Chinese food takeout in a movie always comes in those little white boxes, which I have never, in my life, seen chinese food arrive at my door in. I desperately want it to, but it never does.
22. If a bar or clubhouse has a pinball machine, it’s gonna get fucking trashed during a fight scene. (I’ve ALWAYS wanted my own pinball machine, so this one makes me wince)
21. That it’s only after the detective has been suspended (and obligatorily forced to place his badge and gun on the lieutenant’s desk) that he can properly crack the case.
20. That in war, only the enemy (usually the Viet Cong) were ever low-down enough to stoop to using booby traps.
19. People being chased by a car who run top speed down the middle of the street instead of simply ducking somewhere where a car can’t follow, which happens to be pretty much anywhere except the middle of the street.
18. Young gorgeous women constantly falling in love with men much, much older than they are. In other words: Fuck you Jack Nicholson and Clint Eastwood.
17. Chess players are always always brilliant, charming, upper class people, while card players are always sneaky, foul mouthed, and prone to cheating.
16. When an innocent cough is always a symptom of terminal illness.
15. Women that never have enough sense to keep running while being chased by an enemy unless a guy is pulling her along by her hand or wrist — despite the fact that this takes them far below the speed either one could go on their own.
14. That somehow singing in a moving vehicle always makes something terrible happen.
13. If someone dies with their eyes open, someone will close them by effortlessly moving their hand over the deceased face — and they will remain tightly shut.
12. If our protagonist goes to a sporting event, no matter who he is, his face will always end up on the fucking jumbotron.
11. Women that don’t sweat during sex.
10. That every helicopter shutting down emits the chirp-chirp-chirp sound, in spite of the fact that only the Bell 47G (the chopper on MASH) actually makes this noise.
9. If a hero is divorced (and most are), that he’ll have some contact with his ex-wife who will still have strong feelings for him even if she’s remarried.
8. All computer keyboards or control panels have thousands of volts just underneath their surface, and their malfunctions are indicated by a puff of smoke and a cartoonish shower of sparks.
7. That Native Americans invariably have mystical knowledge that can obtusely predict the future, or have a fundamental understanding of all things in nature .
6. That when a phone line is broken unexpectedly, someone will always frantically press the phone cradle button and yell “Hello? HELLO!?” with an emphasis on the second hello.
5. A splash of cold water in face will render the most inebriated person stone cold sober in a faction of a second. I’ve tried it. It doesn’t work.
4. When someone yells “You never backed away from everything in your life, now fight!!” while giving someone CPR or working to resuscitate a stopped heart.
3. Girls are always instantly attractive to every male if they take off their glasses and/or let down their hair, never mind that they were totally gorgeous actresses failing to physically portray a nerd in the first place.
2. Children or retards that are wise beyond their years/capabilities and that humble the adults around them.
aaaand: (Drumroll)
1. Dogs who always know who is evil, and bark at them.
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. ... The piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.
~ Howard Phillips Lovecraft
If there's a family and you see them in their car, it's almost always a station wagon with fake wood panels on the sides.
We've been wondering if there's a car lot out around L.A. that specializes in restoring these...
We've been wondering if there's a car lot out around L.A. that specializes in restoring these...
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It's Thirteen O'Clock
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"I said, Hey Senorita - that's astute, I said, why don't we get together and call ourselves an institute?" --Paul Simon
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"In the final analysis, the last line of defense in support of freedom and the Constitution consists of the people themselves." -- Ron Paul
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
neotank Wrote:Chinese food comes in those white boxes in my area. So I must disagree with that one
Sometimes I see "white boxes" in movies, but here in Japan I've never seen such a box before. Is it only in America? :confused:
neotank Wrote:Chinese food comes in those white boxes in my area.
[SIZE="3"]Mine too. Maybe it's a Northeast thing.[/SIZE]
FPW
FAQ
"It means 'Ask the next question.' Ask the next question, and the one that follows that, and the one that follows that. It's the symbol of everything humanity has ever created." Theodore Sturgeon.
Yup, we have the white boxes here too. Some even have little metal handles and mysterious Chinese symbols on the side. 
This may be a regional thing, as I recall getting most of our take out in CA in styrofoam containers. Here, only the expensive messy stuff comes in those containers. Everything else is in the white boxes.
This may be a regional thing, as I recall getting most of our take out in CA in styrofoam containers. Here, only the expensive messy stuff comes in those containers. Everything else is in the white boxes.
XamberB Wrote:In every horror movie, the non-virginal girls get killed off while the virgin usually gets saved.
Hazel
And the odds get worse every year! :o
http://www.northernindianacriminaldefense.com
"I don't always carry a pistol, but when I do, I prefer an East German Makarov"
Lisa Wrote:Yup, we have the white boxes here too. Some even have little metal handles and mysterious Chinese symbols on the side.
This may be a regional thing, as I recall getting most of our take out in CA in styrofoam containers. Here, only the expensive messy stuff comes in those containers. Everything else is in the white boxes.
Here in the Midwest, the eggrolls, rice, etc. come in the little squarish boxes, while the messier stuff comes in the waxed paper cylindical boxes with tops. Dinners come in foil trays with plastic lids.
http://www.northernindianacriminaldefense.com
"I don't always carry a pistol, but when I do, I prefer an East German Makarov"
