The big glass fish tank.
Whenever I see one in a scene I start a countdown to when
a) it will shatter
b) someone will be drowned in it.
Whenever I see one in a scene I start a countdown to when
a) it will shatter
b) someone will be drowned in it.
FPW
FAQ
"It means 'Ask the next question.' Ask the next question, and the one that follows that, and the one that follows that. It's the symbol of everything humanity has ever created." Theodore Sturgeon.
I knew I had it somewhere. (Someone -- Dave Schow? -- sent me this years ago.)
THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
Most dogs are immortal.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. There is never any dust or lint in them either.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
If a room contains a large fish tank, it will be smashed soon.
The Chief of Police is always black.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
Most dogs are immortal.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. There is never any dust or lint in them either.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
If a room contains a large fish tank, it will be smashed soon.
The Chief of Police is always black.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
FPW
FAQ
"It means 'Ask the next question.' Ask the next question, and the one that follows that, and the one that follows that. It's the symbol of everything humanity has ever created." Theodore Sturgeon.
fpw Wrote:I knew I had it somewhere. (Someone -- Dave Schow? -- sent me this years ago.)
THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES
That's a great list! I'd like to add;
Any bad guys/enemy soldiers who are shot will immediately fall down dead.
Getting hit by a bullet will sent the victim flying but doesn't have the same effect on the shooter.
When the hero shoots the gun out of the bad guys hand, the gun is undamaged and his hand only stings.
Ken V.
This post was last modified: 04-30-2005, 09:31 AM by Ken Valentine.
Great list, Paul!
In a threatening situation, ususally in a darkened home where the electricity is out, the person who walks backwards while carefully watching what may be coming towards him, will always get it from behind.
In a threatening situation, ususally in a darkened home where the electricity is out, the person who walks backwards while carefully watching what may be coming towards him, will always get it from behind.
Reading is freedom.
The mind soars, no earthly cares,
no limitations.
A Maggers Haiku, 2005
Years ago my mother used to say to me... "In this world, Elwood, you can be oh so smart or oh so pleasant."
Well, for years I was smart.
I recommend pleasant.
You may quote me.
Elwood P. Dowd
Maggers Wrote:Great list, Paul!
In a threatening situation, ususally in a darkened home where the electricity is out, the person who walks backwards while carefully watching what may be coming towards him, will always get it from behind.
The worst part is they never hear the sneaking-up music. Too bad we don't have sneaking-up music in real life.
Ken V.
This post was last modified: 04-30-2005, 11:46 AM by Ken Valentine.
Ken Valentine Wrote:The worst part is they never hear the sneaking-up music. Too bad we don't have sneaking-up music in real life.
Ken V.
ROFL! But that would be fabulous, scary music following the bad guys so everyone knows they're coming.
Along those lines, here' a thought. What if we all had our own soundtracks! Can you imagine the cacaphony? It would be amusing, if noisy. What would that music tell people about us? Who would write it and decide what our theme would be?
My mind goes down some strange paths.
Reading is freedom.
The mind soars, no earthly cares,
no limitations.
A Maggers Haiku, 2005
Years ago my mother used to say to me... "In this world, Elwood, you can be oh so smart or oh so pleasant."
Well, for years I was smart.
I recommend pleasant.
You may quote me.
Elwood P. Dowd
Maggers Wrote:ROFL! But that would be fabulous, scary music following the bad guys so everyone knows they're coming.
Wouldn't that be great?! Nobody could sneak up on you because you could hear the sneaking-up music.
Quote:Along those lines, here' a thought. What if we all had our own soundtracks! Can you imagine the cacaphony? It would be amusing, if noisy. What would that music tell people about us? Who would write it and decide what our theme would be?
That wouldn't bother me so much . . . I have a huge supply of ear plugs. What would bother me though is how do you get to pick your sound track? If it were up to me, I'd pick something dramatic, like Les Preludes, by Franz Lizst. With my luck however, I'd probably end up with Ponchielli's Dance Of The Hours. Which would drive me crazy, because whenever I think of it I hear Alan Sherman's Camp Granada song.
Hello muddah,
Hello faddah,
Here I am at
Camp Granada
Camp is very
Entertaining
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.
I went hiking
With Joe Spivy
He developed
Poison ivy
You remember
Leonard Skinner
He got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.
All the counselors
Hate the waiters
And the lake has
Alligators
And the head coach
Wants no sissies
So he reads to us from something called Ulysses.
How I don't want
This should scare ya
But my bunkmate
Has malaria
You remember
Jeffrey Hardy
They're about to organize a searching party.
Take me home, oh muddah, faddah
Take me home, I hate Granada
Don't leave me out in the forest where
I might get eaten by a bear.
Take me home I promise I will not make noise
Or mess the house with other boys.
Oh please don't make me stay
I've been here one whole day.
Dearest faddah,
Darling muddah,
How's my precious
Little bruddah
Let me come home,
If you miss me
I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me.
Wait a minute,
It's stopped hailing.
Guys are swimming,
Guys are sailing
Playing baseball,
Gee that's better
Muddah, faddah kindly disregard this letter.
Quote:My mind goes down some strange paths.
That's what the paths are for. You just saw the one my mind went down. I'll be hearing that song for the rest of the week.
Ken V.
This post was last modified: 05-01-2005, 12:22 AM by Ken Valentine.
Ken,
I love that song and could sing the whole thing by heart. It was a huge hit when I was a kid and we sang in incessantly the summer it came out. Love it.
Thanks for the reminder!
As for personal soundtracks, I'd love mine to be filled with hundreds of swelling violin tracks (think "At Last" by Etta James or "Hold Me, Squeeze Me"), but I'd be perfectly useless because I'd be so weak at the knees that I'd never get anything done. Love love love those violins!
I love that song and could sing the whole thing by heart. It was a huge hit when I was a kid and we sang in incessantly the summer it came out. Love it.
Thanks for the reminder!
As for personal soundtracks, I'd love mine to be filled with hundreds of swelling violin tracks (think "At Last" by Etta James or "Hold Me, Squeeze Me"), but I'd be perfectly useless because I'd be so weak at the knees that I'd never get anything done. Love love love those violins!
This post was last modified: 05-01-2005, 12:35 AM by Maggers.
Reading is freedom.
The mind soars, no earthly cares,
no limitations.
A Maggers Haiku, 2005
Years ago my mother used to say to me... "In this world, Elwood, you can be oh so smart or oh so pleasant."
Well, for years I was smart.
I recommend pleasant.
You may quote me.
Elwood P. Dowd
Ken Valentine Wrote:Wouldn't that be great?! Nobody could sneak up on you because you could hear the sneaking-up music.
That wouldn't bother me so much . . . I have a huge supply of ear plugs. What would bother me though is how do you get to pick your sound track? If it were up to me, I'd pick something dramatic, like Les Preludes, by Franz Lizst. With my luck however, I'd probably end up with Ponchielli's Dance Of The Hours. Which would drive me crazy, because whenever I think of it I hear Alan Sherman's Camp Granada song.
Hello muddah,
Hello faddah,
Here I am at
Camp Granada
Camp is very
Entertaining
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.
I went hiking
With Joe Spivy
He developed
Poison ivy
You remember
Leonard Skinner
He got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.
All the counselors
Hate the waiters
And the lake has
Alligators
And the head coach
Wants no sissies
So he reads to us from something called Ulysses.
How I don't want
This should scare ya
But my bunkmate
Has malaria
You remember
Jeffrey Hardy
They're about to organize a searching party.
Take me home, oh muddah, faddah
Take me home, I hate Granada
Don't leave me out in the forest where
I might get eaten by a bear.
Take me home I promise I will not make noise
Or mess the house with other boys.
Oh please don't make me stay
I've been here one whole day.
Dearest faddah,
Darling muddah,
How's my precious
Little bruddah
Let me come home,
If you miss me
I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me.
Wait a minute,
It's stopped hailing.
Guys are swimming,
Guys are sailing
Playing baseball,
Gee that's better
Muddah, faddah kindly disregard this letter.
That's what the paths are for. You just saw the one my mind went down. I'll be hearing that song for the rest of the week.
Ken V.
My luck, I would get the "Orange Blossom Special"! I love the tune, but you need something like "Jaws" for sneaking up music.
I guess it could be worse, I might get "The Cotten Eyed Joe"! Every time I would get close to my prey I would have to yell "Bullshit" and take three steps backwards and they would turn around and say "The hell you say"!
KRW