(I'm being as oblique as I can to avoid spoilers her.) The scene on Christmas Eve almost didn't get written. I couldn't get the words out. I developed an aversion reaction to my keyboard. Every time I sat down I'd have to get up and walk around the room. I did not want to write that scene, did not want to hurt that character, and I especially didn't want to describe what had been done to him. But I had to. Someone was trying to crush Father Ryan, utterly destroy him, but it takes a lot to do that to a man of his inner strength and faith. About the only way to strike at him was through a character he loved. Trouble was, I'd become emotionally attached as well. Hurting him was like hurting a real person. If you'll notice, the scene is described obliquely, out of the corner of the eye. It was the best I could do, and actually it works better than a full-frontal exposure. If you let the reader's subconscious fill in the gory details, the effect can be more disturbing than a detailed description.
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