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+--- Thread: Revising NIGHTWORLD (/thread-1430.html)
Revising NIGHTWORLD - Lisa - 01-13-2006
fpw Wrote:Argh! Another. One of many, but too egregious not to share.
"Instead the villagers had conferred together..."
Depending on the rest of the sentence, that one might be passable due to the other meaning(s) of "confer." JMO...
Lisa
Revising NIGHTWORLD - fpw - 01-13-2006
Lisa Wrote:Depending on the rest of the sentence, that one might be passable due to the other meaning(s) of "confer." JMO...
Lisa
"Instead the villagers had conferred together and decided..."
Unless they conferred with someone else, the together is vestigial, superfluous, and not necessary neither. It must DIE!
Revising NIGHTWORLD - Lisa - 01-13-2006
fpw Wrote:Unless they conferred with someone else, the together is vestigial, superfluous, and not necessary neither. It must DIE!
:eek:
Dude. Have you considered laying off the caffeine?
Just askin'.
Lisa
Revising NIGHTWORLD - Scott Hajek - 01-13-2006
fpw Wrote:"Instead the villagers had conferred together and decided..."
Unless they conferred with someone else, the together is vestigial, superfluous, and not necessary neither. It must DIE!
This is the way to have a Writer's Workshop... with use of Force!
Revising NIGHTWORLD - Bluesman Mike Lindner - 01-15-2006
fpw Wrote:"Instead the villagers had conferred together and decided..."
Unless they conferred with someone else, the together is vestigial, superfluous, and not necessary neither. It must DIE!
I don't believe that's bad at all. Let's imagine a Beckett stage direction:
(The VILLAGERS conferred...alone)
1st VILLAGER: Have you conferred today?
2nd VILLAGER: Yes. Have you?
1st VILLAGER: Yes.
2nd VILLAGER: And where where you?
1st VILLAGER: Alone. Somewhere.
2nd VILLAGER: I didn't see you there.
1st VILLAGER: I didn't see you either.
2nd VILLAGER: It was a good conference, though.
1st VILLAGER: Yes.
2nd VILLAGER: I enjoyed it.
1st VILLAGER: Yes. But perhaps no.
2nd VILLAGER: Some might say that.
1st VILLAGER: Yes. But they were not there. Were you? I didn't see you there.
2nd VILLAGER: Where have I left my pitchfork?
1st VILLAGER: Perhaps where I left my torch.
2nd VILLAGER: Perhaps at the conference. Do you have a cigarette?
1st VILLAGER: No. I left them at the conference.
2nd VILLAGER: As did I. It was a good conference. Where you there?
TOGETHER: "Fair is foul and foul is fair..."
!st VILLAGER: I don't believe he wrote that.
2nd VILLAGER: Nor do I. But perhaps...
1st VILLAGER: He would have had a cigarette.
2nd VILLAGER: I did not see him at the conference.
1st VILLAGER: Nor did I. It was an excellent conference.
2nd VILLAGER: Were you there?
(Rapturous applause from the intelligensia, and a Nobel Prize for genius.)
Revising NIGHTWORLD - Sam - 01-17-2006
The Mad American Wrote:I can't wait to read the revised Nightworld. It was this book that hooked me and made me a fan of yours forever.... All the huge Lovecraftian horror with all the very intriguing characters. In my opinion there just aren't enough books like this.
I have other books of yours I like better now but this was the one that set the hook with me.
Ditto. My first FPW book/hook. As I was reading it all I could think was - This would make such a fantastic horror film!!! The chew bugs...I've always pictured the face of an angler fish on that wasp body. Creeepy!
Revising NIGHTWORLD - jimbow8 - 01-17-2006
Sam Wrote:Ditto. My first FPW book/hook. As I was reading it all I could think was - This would make such a fantastic horror film!!! The chew bugs...I've always pictured the face of an angler fish on that wasp body. Creeepy!Awesome picture, Sam. That is essentially what I picture, too. I was just watching a Nat Geo show the other day about DEEP SEA creatures. There are some scary ugly creatures down in the depths.
Revising NIGHTWORLD - fpw - 01-17-2006
Sam Wrote:Ditto. My first FPW book/hook. As I was reading it all I could think was - This would make such a fantastic horror film!!! The chew bugs...I've always pictured the face of an angler fish on that wasp body. Creeepy!
That's exactly what was in my head. I even had bioluminescent spots on their flanks. I also referenced jellyfish and men 'o war.
Revising NIGHTWORLD - Maggers - 01-17-2006
Sam Wrote:Ditto. My first FPW book/hook. As I was reading it all I could think was - This would make such a fantastic horror film!!! The chew bugs...I've always pictured the face of an angler fish on that wasp body. Creeepy!
That's the image I had, too! Those wicked teeth made of glass! YIKES!
Revising NIGHTWORLD - jimbow8 - 01-17-2006
fpw Wrote:That's exactly what was in my head. I even had bioluminescent spots on their flanks. I also referenced jellyfish and men 'o war.WooHoo!!!
What does Sam win???