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Ultraviolet - xmradiodave - 03-17-2006
So, I went to the local cineplex to check out the Sci-fi action flick known as "Ultraviolet" What I should have done was pulled my car up to the theater entrance, rolled down my window, extracted eight crisp one dollar bills, crumpled them up, threw them out the window, and sped off.
Written and directed by Kurt Wimmer of the Equilibrium fame, I was thoroughly looking forward to his next venture in film-making. I was a huge fan of the grittiness and comprimising look of the future, displayed in Equilibrium. Everything that made Equilibrium a great film, the excellent story, which seemed to be a tip of the hat to such literary works like 1984 and Farenheit 451, and the impressive acting was greatly lacking in Ultraviolet.
Another endearing quality from Equilibrium was the lack of a monsterous budget. Wimmer seemed to work better with the meager budget allocated to him prior to this film (Ultraviolet). It was a true testament to his ability as a film-maker. Ultraviolet seemed to have a bigger budget and this appears to have greatly hurt the film.
It appears that the movie was shot completely digital, so by me using the term "film" is not quite accurate. The colors were completely over-saturated, causing the characters to have a strange halo effect around their faces. I do not know if this was intentional, but it looked like pure shit. Fitting, since the script itself seemed to be written in human biological waste. If you are going to shoot a big-budget digital film, go ahead and splurge a bit for a decent camera, such as the new Genesis digital camera.
I would like to say that there was at least one saving grace to this movie. I have always found Milla Jovavich strangely attractive. But Milla, please, eat a damn sandwich already. And maybe a few hours in the sunlight wouldn't hurt either.
A bit about the story I suppose. In the future, the government is trying to eradicate a race of super-beings known as hemophages, or vampires. Not just your normal run of the mill vampires. These vampires can walk around in daylight, can be killed with a simple bullet or a sword, have fangs, but do not drink blood, and appear to be no stronger than your typical human, sans the title character who is virtually unstoppable. Ultraviolet intercepts a package from a courrier service which contains a weapon that could spell certain doom for all hemophages. Inside the small, flat package in a 12 year old boy...Huh?
The boy is a genetic expierement with altered DNA. Of course this DNA is the weapon mentioned just a moment ago. the little boy, named six is portrayed by the stoic Cameron Bright, previously seen in the absolutely craptacular film "Birth" starring Nicole Kidman. After Ultraviolet discovers the weapon, she has some decisions to make. This should have been the shortest film in history. She is a brutal killer; if she wants to survive, destroy the weapon. I wish she would have. I am opposed to films that portray gratuitious violence against children, but if it means ending my misery of sitting through the remaining hour of this movie, I say waste the little shit.
It was not meant to be though. Morals prevailed. My suffering continued.
If you have any friends who say..."Hey, lets go see Ultraviolet", gently lean over, and bite hard and deep into their cheek. Trust me, they will thank you later.
Ultraviolet - Scott Hajek - 03-17-2006
Now there is another movie reviewer on the board whose reviews I enjoy reading. Maybe you and Tony should do a show ala Ebert & 'The man who hates kid movies.'
Great review!
Great review!
Ultraviolet - xmradiodave - 03-17-2006
Scott Hajek Wrote:Now there is another movie reviewer on the board whose reviews I enjoy reading. Maybe you and Tony should do a show ala Ebert & 'The man who hates kid movies.'
Great review!
well, we are twins after all. Not that I am proud of that.
Ultraviolet - Tony H - 03-17-2006
xmradiodave Wrote:well, we are twins after all. Not that I am proud of that.
I am not proud of it either David Richard Harrington, Jr!!!
You always try to outdo me! God!
Isn't it enough that mom and dad loved you better? Do you have to encroach on my friends here too! Shit...it's like high school all over again!!!
I'm gonna go kill myself!!!
Ultraviolet - jimbow8 - 03-17-2006
Scott Hajek Wrote:I was going to say essentially the same thing.Now there is another movie reviewer on the board whose reviews I enjoy reading. Maybe you and Tony should do a show ala Ebert & 'The man who hates kid movies.'
Great review!
Dave, does the movie have any COWBELL ?!?!?
Ultraviolet - The Mad American - 03-17-2006
jimbow8 Wrote:I was going to say essentially the same thing.
Dave, does the movie have any COWBELL ?!?!?
If it did or didn't it needs more COWBELL...you can't go wrong with more cowbell.
Ultraviolet - xmradiodave - 03-17-2006
Alas, no cowbell in the movie. Maybe my review would have been more positive if "Don't Fear the Reaper" were displayed in the film.
http://www.gorillamask.net/morecowbell.shtml
"Guys, I put my pants on the same way you do, except for when my pants are on...I make gold records."
"In Memoriam
Gene Frenkle
1950-2000"
Ultraviolet - xmradiodave - 03-17-2006
AsMoral Wrote:
I am not proud of it either David Richard Harrington, Jr!!!
You always try to outdo me! God!
Isn't it enough that mom and dad loved you better? Do you have to encroach on my friends here too! Shit...it's like high school all over again!!!
I'm gonna go kill myself!!!
Aw, it's okay big baby Tony. Don't hurt yourself. I will call a bambulance
Ultraviolet - cobalt - 03-18-2006
MORE COW BELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I get it! DUH! I knew I saw that somewhere. Sometimes I'm a bit slow on the uptake, gullible even, ah but never cheap!
Ultraviolet - Kenji - 06-24-2006
Today I saw Ultraviolet. I enjoyed it as much as "Equilibrium".
Well, as xmradiodave said, the movie was completely digital. But I didn't care much about it. Because....one of the reasons I saw it was Milla Jovovich.
